The Word “Should” Should be a Curse Word

I should be more productive.

I should control my emotions.

I shouldn’t have said that.

I should be further along in my career by now.

I should be better at my job.

I shouldn’t let things affect me.

You may be should'ing yourself into a headache.

What I'm hearing from my clients when they use that word is

“Who I am right now isn’t enough.”

That constant comparison between who you are and who you think you should be can create a sense of lack within yourself. Instead of recognizing your progress, your mind becomes focused on everything you haven’t accomplished yet.

So what if we changed the wording?

Instead of:

“I should be more productive.”

Try:

“I could become more productive.”

Instead of:

“I should be better at this.”

Try:

“I could get better at this.”

Instead of:

“I should be further along by now.”

Try:

“I could learn new things to get to where I want to be.”

That isn't wishful thinking, folks. And I'm not talking about manifestation. There’s actual psychology behind the way our internal dialogue can influence us.

I'm talking about the way you consistently speak to yourself.

Your brain is constantly processing the messages you give it. When your internal dialogue is filled with criticism, judgment, and statements about how you are falling short, those thoughts can reinforce feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and pressure.

But

when you change the language, you create room for possibility.

“I could” suggests there is somewhere to go.

“I’m getting better at…” acknowledges that growth is already happening.

“I am…” brings your attention into the present instead of constantly reminding you of where you think you should be.

Think about the difference between:

“I should be confident.”

and

“I am becoming more confident.”

One tells your brain that you are failing to meet a standard... and it feels draining when you say it ...

The other gives your brain a direction, optimism and you feel good knowing your capability.

And you can even begin to separate yourself from old patterns by recognizing that they don't have to define who you are now.

You can even take it up a notch sand peak in the future tense.

I remember when I used to procrastinate.

When I was anxious.

When i was scared of public speaking.

When I tried to get everything done at once and felt overwhlemed.

When I couldn't sleep.

Those things used to be my experience, but i trained my mind to move the needle instead of remaining stagnant.

This is why the words we use with ourselves matter.

Your mind is listening.

And when you repeatedly tell yourself that you're afraid, incapable, behind, unproductive, or not good enough, those statements will keep giving you want you dont want .. more of it.

But when you begin speaking from growth rather than lack, you give your mind something different to work with.

“I am learning.”

“I am getting better.”

“I can handle this.”

“I could become even more confident.”

“I'm not where I want to be yet, but I'm moving.”

It's not about pretending you're perfect or being something you are not.

This technique is silently reprogramming your mind to give you what you want.

You just need to stop speaking lack into your life.

So the next time you catch yourself saying “I should…”, pause.

Ask yourself:

“Is this motivating me...or making me feel like I'm failing?”

Then try replacing it with something that leaves room for growth.

I should → I could. I'm failing → I'm learning. I'm behind → I'm progressing.

I'm not good enough → I'm getting better.

Your mind is listening.

So give it something worth listening to so it can act it out.